CONFESSION #002

Lol to a night that will live in infamy!!

So picture this: I’m at the event, music going, everyone dancing, feeling confident, feeling social, feeling like “you know what, tonight’s the night I become the fun one.” So I decided that because I was in good company, I was going to indulge. NOT KNOWING HALF CAN HIT THAT HAAAAARD. I didn’t even respect the full power of the half, that’s how naive I was.

So obviously, being the genius that I am, I took a whole one. Then 10 minutes later, my brain went “hm, this doesn’t feel like enough” (it was enough) and I took ANOTHER one and a half. So now I’m out there basically a walking science experiment, dancing like everything is fine.

Once the peak hit, it hit like a truck that had also taken something. Sweating. Tummy doing Olympic-level gymnastics. And me? Still dancing, trying to look calm while internally my organs were holding an emergency meeting. I kept acting like I was fine. Moving to the beat. Nodding along to conversations I could not for the life of me follow over the music. Everyone could clearly tell something was wrong, I’m sure I looked unhinged, sweaty, and one bad dance move away from combusting but I committed to the bit. I kept pretending to be that girl. The chill one. The one who has her life together and can still hit a two-step under duress.

Reader, I did not have my life together.

It started small, just a little fart here, a cheeky burp there, real “nothing to see here” energy, disguised nicely by the loud music. And then, with zero warning, my body said “actually, we’re doing ALL of it, right now” and it became a full shit-and-vomit double feature. No opening act. Straight to the finale.

I remember bolting off the dance floor, past my entire group, like I was in a relay race, sprinting to the bathroom with the kind of urgency usually reserved for action movies. And once I got in there? It did NOT go quietly. It burst out of me like it had been waiting its whole life for this moment. The sounds. THE SOUNDS. I made noises I didn’t know the human body could produce. I was basically giving a live concert nobody bought tickets to, ironic considering I’d just left one.

I stayed in that bathroom, hiding, praying, negotiating with God, until every single person had left. Because there was no walking back onto that dance floor after that. No amount of “haha anyway!” was fixing what had just happened in there.

I have never told a soul this story. Until now. You’re welcome, I guess.

And then, because apparently, I hate myself, after ALL that, I took a bullet, and the rush was amazing, and it turned the whole disaster into a full rollercoaster of a night. Up, down, sideways, into a bathroom, out of a bathroom, and somehow still on the dance floor by the end of it.

10/10 story. 0/10 experience while it was happening.

Somewhere at an event, 2023
Submitted by: Anon002